Holding On!

Yes. Life is a journey; and in today’s times, one has to hold on or be thrown into a vortex of politics, plagues, and more maladies than I have time to list today.

So, it’s the wee hours of the morning. I can’t sleep, yet totally exhausted from not sleeping, if that makes any sense. Like most, I’ve been experiencing life and its unexpected traumas, which seems to be what old age is about…one health issue after another, etc. etc. The 21st century seems to be exhibiting less humanity and more daunting inhumanities. Aging helps me understand how it feels to be a dinosaur stomping among the Jetsons. I struggle to stay abreast of all the newest gadgets and techy communications.

How ’bout you? How are you fairing amongst the crazies this new year?

Sitting here next to the fire that’s spewing gas flames with no logs to burn, I am approaching this Sabbath with a desire to find my grateful button and push it hard and strong. Seems lately, I have been swimming among the naysayers and labelers and doubters. Not good. Not good at all.

Not good because The Universe has been kind to me, despite recuperating from surgery, recuperating from Covid19, and discovering that I have two heart conditions that are changing my lifestyle in a big way. Obviously, I’ve been treading to just stay above the dark waters.

Still, I have much to give thanks for, and many generous friends and neighbors to give thanks to. I can begin with the nurses and staff at the orthopedic rehab center. Because I had surgery during Covid, I couldn’t have visitors for 14 days, not 1 person could visit. During that time in the hospital, I also had a death in the family. To say the least, depression hit me hard, in between pain with no meds. (I can’t take Narco drugs or Codeine, so Tylenol was my best friend). Those sweet nurses took me under their wings of love and nurtured me like family. I couldn’t have asked for better care.

For sweet nurses and compassionate souls, I am grateful.

Then Covid struck and consumed my lungs, and whatever else it could find. After 2 ER trips, 3 days in the hospital, a variety of prognosis, and what seems to be eternity, I have been given so many blessings. The biggest blessing is that our disabled son, Drew, (who also had Covid when I had it), experienced only a light case and didn’t require hospitalization. Living in California, the situation could have been desperate. The staff in his home were angels, and I pray for them daily. They have all suffered the consequences of the overwhelming numbers of cases.

While lying in a hospital bed, alone and without family, I learned to advocate for myself, to listen to those who cared, and be patient. And yes, I overcame it with determination and much love from dedicated, brave staff, tenacious chiildren, loving family, and generous friends.

For sweet nurses, caregivers, nurturing children, and compassionate souls, I give thanks.

Then, during one of my ER visits, I discovered that I have an ascending aorta aneurysm near my heart. I guess I have to thank Covid for the opportunity of finding it before it burst, or I’d soon be 6′ under. Thank you Covid very much! However, I also found out that I have Diastolic heart failure which has been agitated by Covid. So long story short, I gotta figure out how I’m going to continue to be the woman who moves furniture constantly and does her own landscaping. Most likely, that’s not gonna happen, and that depresses me. Lifestyle changes are hard, especially for hardheaded women like myself; so, I have to reroute my high expectations just to live a little longer. Still, I am so lucky, because my family and my children, and my husband have been so kind, so thoughtful, so caring…so, so, so…loving.

For nurses, caregivers, and my family and compassionate souls, I am thankful.

Friends, how more lucky can one be? How more grateful could I be? Surely, much more that I’ve been acting. My pity party of imagined and real fears has whined, brooded, and pouted for awhile, and now it’s time for me to stand up and give thanks to all who have given me so much.

God is good. People are good. I am good.

This new year of 2021 may greet me with a few more challenges than I anticipated, but I am HERE.

I am entering these anxious days with compassionate friends, nurturing children, a loving mom, a beautiful sister, a successful small business despite a depressing economy, a caring husband, a sound roof over my head and lots of food in the pantry, a choice of shoes, and a closet full of clothes, plus all my physical needs at hand, (not to mention 20 extra pounds).

I pray that your needs are being met, too. These truly are difficult times. We are separated from what is familiar. We are enduring negative energy constantly and enabling it to surround us. It is growing and becoming a thrust of hatefulness and slander throughout our communities. Please ask for Light, Peace, Love, and Forgiveness. We need you. We need each other.

I send my love and compassion to all.

Living life lovingly,

Lane